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How to Reject Sex Without Harming Your Relationship

Latest update: Jun 21, 2018
Scientific Approach to Rejecting Sex Without Offending Your Partner

How many times have you found yourself in a situation whereby your partner was horny as hell, and you couldn’t even blink? The reasons for this state are various – from being tired and stressed to being bored.

What is the first thing you do in such case? Perhaps, you are afraid of telling your partner ‘no’ this time and making him/her feel uncomfortable. Thus, you spend the next 20-30 minutes suffering from the partner’s intensive granting over your ear and can’t wait till the time it finishes. Or you fall asleep.

Otherwise, you say ‘no,’ but you feel like you have rejected your bae and feel guilty about this. Both of you end up not talking for the entire evening.

Well, all this can be prevented, and here’s how.

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Give Sweet Promises

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships have seen that you wouldn’t, however, hurt your relationship if it’s done in a gentle way.

The researchers surveyed 642 adults. In the first survey, participants were questioned on how they felt when rejected with anger and slight quarrel. Then they were asked on how they felt when their partner says 'no' and then states something like: 'My love, I'm always attracted to you, and I'll please you in the future.'

As you might have guessed, participants preferred to be let down softly and in sweetly.

Study author James Kim of the University of Toronto said people try not to make their partner sad or angry to avoid any quarrels, but it is alright to say “no” to your partner.

“Our findings suggest that rejecting a partner for sex in a positive ways (e.g., reassuring a partner that you still love and are attracted to them) actually represents a viable alternative behavior to having sex for avoidance goals in sustaining both partners’ relationship and sexual satisfaction," Kim told PsyPost.

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Be Soft And Gentle

In the second study, Kim and his colleagues requested 98 couples to complete surveys every night for four weeks. The researchers then found that — shocker — people were beginning to be more sexually satisfied when they had sex. Kim says you could say 'no' sometimes to keep up the tension. As long as it’s done softly and with a strong and positive sweet reinforcement.

“When people are not in the mood for sex and find that the main reason they are inclined to ‘say yes’ is to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings or the relationship conflict that might ensue, engaging in positive rejection behaviors that convey love and reassurance may be critical to sustain relationship quality,” the researchers said in their article.

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Conclusion

So there you have it, folks, whether men or women, it’s ok to say ‘no,’ but it’s more important how you say it. So rather than harm your relationship with your loving partner, by keeping quiet, tell her/him how you love them and are willing to please them, let them know you see them as your partner and no one else and everything will be alright in this area of your lives.

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